How to help someone with an eating disorder

What is an eating disorder?

According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), eating disorders are "serious but treatable mental and physical illnesses" that can affect all types of people, regardless of body size or weight. Eating disorders impact one's health, emotions, and can cause one to start to isolate. NEDA reports that "28.8 million Americans will suffer from an eating disorder at some point in their lives." There are a variety of factors that can cause an eating disorder, such as past trauma, poor body image, and having another family member who is also struggling with the same.

There are several different types of eating disorders. Here are the ones that are the most common:

• Anorexia nervosa: Anorexia is characterized by restriction of food. People suffering with anorexia are often terrified of gaining weight and have a distorted perception of their body's shape and size. Individuals experiencing anorexia will often limit their food and/or water intake and will sometimes stop eating entire food groups.

• Bulimia nervosa: People with bulimia experience episodes of overeating and purging that often feels out of control. Many individuals with bulimia also restrict their food, which can cause these binge and purge episodes.

• Binge eating disorder: Individuals struggling with BED regularly eat too much food and feel a lack of control over their eating. This typically includes eating quickly and past fullness.

Some people with eating disorders also deal with compulsive exercise. This is when someone feels driven to exercise even when tired, ill, or injured, as a way to control their weight.



What are the warning signs of an eating disorder?

The chances of recovery from an eating disorder are higher with early intervention. Here are some warning signs that a person in your life might be struggling with eating problems. If you observe these symptoms, it might be wise to have a conversation with your loved one about disordered eating.

• Behaviors and conversations about weight loss, exercise, and/or dieting

• Fluctuations in weight (both up and down)

• Refusal to eat certain foods or certain food groups

• Baggy clothing or layers of clothes

• Mood swings

• Menstrual irregularities or missing periods altogether

• Body checking: looking in the mirror often, pinching a body part

• Discomfort eating with others and general isolation

• Disappearance of large amounts of food in short periods of time

• Medical complications such as cavities, dizziness, loss of hair, discolored teeth, or impaired immune functioning



• Brain fog and mental sluggishness

Avoiding common assumptions

Eating disorders manifest differently in different people, and there are a lot of misconceptions about them. Here are some common misunderstandings about disordered eating, summarized from the National Eating Disorders Association:



Eating disorders are a choice

Eating disorders are complex medical and psychological illnesses. Biological factors play a big role in who develops an eating disorder, and they often co-occur with other mental health issues such as anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Similar to addiction, eating disorders are serious illnesses that are not a choice.

Eating disorders aren't a big deal

People who struggle with eating issues also experience a diminished quality of life. Eating disorders often lead to isolation, a loss of interest in the important things in life, and an inability to handle difficult emotions. They are also quite fatal: eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. People experiencing disorders eating deserve support and effective treatment.

It's easy to identify someone with an eating disorder

Eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and ethnicities, and you often cannot tell if someone is suffering from an eating disorder just by looking at them. In fact, these perceptions can perpetuate the issue, making a person feel as if they are not "sick enough" to seek support.



Ways to help someone with an eating disorder

If you are worried that someone in your life is struggling with an eating disorder, just being there for them and offering support can be a great help. Here are other ways to help:

• Love and respect your own body; this sets a great example for someone in recovery.

• Ask them about their feelings and needs and listen without judgment: seek to understand their situation.

• Eat meals together and offer support during the meal. Set a good example by eating balanced, healthy meals at a mindful pace.

• Throw away your scale and keep scales out of your house.

• Avoid commenting on their appearance, compliment their personality instead.

• Stock your house with a variety of healthy food.



• Encourage them to seek treatment and help them connect with professionals in the eating disorder field.

Things to avoid

Here are some helpful don'ts for supporting a friend of family member with an eating disorder:

• Avoid talking about own weight or someone's weight or body shape.

• Conversations about dieting or diet fats are not helpful for someone with food issues. Try to eliminate this topic completely.

• Don't get angry with the person or blame them for their struggles with food.

• Avoid becoming the food police: don't try to punish them or negotiate behaviors.

• Don't try doing this all on your own. Find your own therapist and / or support group to help you manage your emotions.



When to encourage your loved one to seek professional help

If you have concerned that a friend or family member is experiencing disordered eating, you should encourage them to seek help from a trained professional in the field. It doesn't really matter which professional they see first, but do encourage them to meet with a medical doctor and therapist trained in working with eating disorders. These individuals might offer a referral to a nutritionist also.

It is important to find professionals that both you and your loved one trust. If you don't feel a positive connection with the first doctor or therapist you interview, keep having conversations until you do.

Getting professional support early improves a person's chances of long term recovery, although recovery can happen at any stage of an eating disorder. You might also investigate family therapy to help the family cope in healthier ways and to establish some boundaries during this time.

EDReferral is a great resource for finding professionals trained in working with eating disorders. You can search by insurance and / or location.

Finding support for yourself

Supporting someone with disordered eating can take a toll on your own wellbeing. Make sure that you are getting your own needs met by scheduling in time for self care. Reach out for help if you feel unable to support your loved one and find someone to talk to yourself. There are lots of Friends and Family support groups out there where you can connect with other people in the same boat as you. It can also be a good idea to hire a therapist for yourself and seek their advice on how to best support your friend or family member.

Is recovery possible?

The good news is that recovery is completely possible! As someone who has personally experienced and recovered from an eating disorder, I can attest that the recovery journey is worth all of the work. My biggest advice is to talk to your loved one and seek to gain an understanding of their struggles. Have open conversations with them, without judgment, and focus on their accomplishments in their recovery. Remind them that you love them regardless of their weight or body shape.

If you would like to find out more about my eating disorder recovery coaching services, you can check out the eating disorder recovery section of my website, or email me.